We've likely all had a long, dark night of the soul where we await something the following day whether it be an encounter or news or the consequences of a decision made long before. Jacob surely experiences this in today's reading.
His treatment of others whether it be Esau or Isaac or Laban has left him thinking the worst of people. Because he holds his own desires before those of all others, he imagines that everyone else operates this way too. And so, just as Jacob was fearful of Laban when he left his household, he is now fearful of his brother, Esau as he seeks to return home.
Jacob has become wealthy indeed as we see how many animals he sends to his brother in appeasement. Esau, too, has prospered as he is in control of a large number of men.
Jacob's final act before the night was to put all his herds and servants and even his wives and children between himself and his brother Esau. This may have been the low point in his life.
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Wrestling with God has a surreal
quality to it, like this picture.
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As he tries to sleep, he finds himself wrestling with a stranger. He doesn't give up and it almost seems that the stranger gives him a cheap shot on the hip. Still Jacob continues to hang on, just as he did Esau in the womb. Finally, God blesses Jacob and he becomes Israel. This is symbolic of the birth of the nation and we'll later see the tribes of Israel come from his sons.
Jacob ends the chapter limping off at dawn to confront his brother. But after wrestling with God, this may seem to be put in its proper perspective.
Jesus also has his wrestling with God in the Garden at Gethsemane. Just as Jacob withdraws from even his closest family, Jesus withdraws from his closest disciples. He prays for release from this path. Luke's version even mentions that his sweat from praying so earnestly was like "drops of blood." Yet he is willing to accept God's will. He feels like this path is the right one.
When we come to a crossroads, we may find the right path difficult to discern. We may be afraid or anxious or nervous. We may want to turn around and go the other way. Yet, these stories remind us that God goes with us on our journey, even if we go with a limp.
My Lord GOD,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will
end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and
the fact that I think that I am following your will
does not mean that I am
actually doing so.
But I believe that the
desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart
from that desire.
And I know that if I
do this you will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always
though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
Amen.
Prayer by Thomas Merton from Thoughts in Solitude, 20th Century
Photo by Christopher Paquette via Flickr.com. Used under the Creative Commons license.
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