If a brother or sister sins, you must rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive.
Luke 17:3b
Today, I give thanks for the accountability I received in The United Methodist Church. It has made me a better person, a better Christian and a better pastor.
As a summer intern for Boston Avenue, they used to send us to training in May prior to the start of the job in June. It was called Director of Youth Ministry Training Enterprise or DYMTE. We affectionately referred to it as dynamite. I attended each May from 1987 through my time as an intern (both at Boston Avenue and later at Stillwater First) into being a full time youth director at New Haven in Tulsa through 1994.
It was always helpful and we learned accountability (and later I taught it there as well). I remember going back as a pastor and hearing a youth minister tell me about his one-on-one ministry (he was around 20) with the youth. This included playing tennis and going to the movies with some of the high school girls. I quickly disavowed him of this practice as I saw all kinds of red flags waving around! This was at the onset of safe sanctuaries for the conference and it was still being adopted - sometimes too slowly!
My second year attending DYMTE, I learned a joke that ended in a pun similar to the McDonald's Big Mac jingle, "Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame bun." This story ended with "Two obese Patty's, special Ross, Lester Reese flickin' bunions on a Sesame Street bus." This joke wouldn't pass muster for many reasons today (people with disabilities should not be mocked to say the least), but in 1988, it was allowable.
I told this "gem" at Tulsa District Camp during a talent show (another thing they used to do at camp) and it got the appropriate groans.
After it was over, Rev. Leslie Penrose came and informed me that there was a girl from her church that had been suicidal over her weight issues and that my lifting up two obese little girls named Patty in the joke was insensitive and could push this camper over the edge.
This was like a slap in the face in that I had no intention of hurting anyone. I was just trying to be funny. When we inadvertently offend people with our language, there are two ways we can respond. One is that we can let the embarrassment overtake us and become offended that they are offended. This is a way to compensate for the fact that we have been caught off guard. Most people do not intentionally seek to cause offense. And so we make the charge that people are "too sensitive" these days. This is actually kind of ironic, isn't it? Methinks we protest too much!
The second way we can respond is to let them know that we did not mean to offend. And then alter our behavior accordingly.
I felt bad at the time. I never meant to harm anyone. I gave up that joke and have tried to watch how I use my language.
I know it is not always easy to hold people accountable. I appreciate Leslie for speaking to me about it. In hindsight, I also appreciate the District Superintendents who have supervised me through my ordained ministry. I have received good advice and correction from each one and I'm sure that there were times I gave them fits.
And so thank you to Stan Warfield, Phil Ware, Craig Stinson, Dan Pulver, Rockford Johnson and Tish Malloy. As a current district superintendent, I'm sure that I did not appreciate the difficulty of your work at the time!
Who is it that has held you accountable in life?
Who is close to you that you also may need to nudge back into line?
While it is difficult work, during Lent, let us be willing to be in relationships where we can be held as well as hold others accountable to life in Christ!
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| Good accountability is like spotting from below to prevent harm! |
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